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From the eyes of my love. <3

I asked my partner ( love/ soulmate/ secretary/ my everything)  to give me her view of my transition thus far… And this is it.  It was originally going to be like 6 pages long so she cut quite a bit out… that will end up being in the TL;DR historical post that comes later.

Beginning this transition is a colossal step in Miah’s life and it is a step that has taken her many years to take.  Because we have been close friends for a little over a decade and are currently partners, I have been asked to give my perspective on her transition.  I am beyond ecstatic that she has finally made this leap towards uncovering her true self.  It has been an exciting and fascinating journey so far.  While there have been some not so great moments; overall, this transition has been an overwhelmingly positive force in Miah’s life.  Being around each other so much since the beginning of this transition, and now living together, has been really wonderful.  I love being able to see all of the little changes in her each day.

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When she started her transition, Miah was self-medicating.  She was ordering hormones offline and guessing at dosage based on research she had done.  All of us that knew what she was doing were concerned.  There are a lot of problems that can occur when self-medicating, not to mention that without the proper dosage the desired results will not be obtained.  Her mood improved tenfold; every day she was beaming in anticipation of the changes that she hoped would take place.  I still don’t know weather the change in attitude was caused by the hormones or her sheer excitement to finally be taking the first step to realizing her true self; it was probably a combination of both.  This was a confusing time for me.  I wanted to be supportive of her because I truly was beyond ecstatic that she had finally decided to do this for herself, but the fact that she was self-medicating and really had no idea what she was doing to herself scared me.  While her attitude was great throughout this period, there weren’t a lot of physical changes and we were all thankful when she decided to follow the advice of another friend and seek out professional help.

The time between Miah deciding to see a therapist and when she actually started was tough for everyone.  First, she had to get the hormones she had been taking out of her system.  For me, this was the most difficult point in her transition to date.  When she stopped taking her hormones the mood swings were erratic and harsh; she was experiencing vertigo and getting lots of headaches as well.  Things that would typically be an annoyance were escalated into disasters and there were a couple of situations that were just downright nerve-racking for those of us close to her.  It was really hard to see her like that or to know how to interact with her.  I tried to be as positive and understanding as I could but there wasn’t a whole lot more anyone could do; just wait for her body to regain some stability so things would smooth out.

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Once Miah started seeing her therapist there were changes in her attitude almost immediately.  Instead of focusing on the letdown of having to stop hormones in order to re-start this the right way, she was excited for her sessions and what would come from them.  I think this was the best possible decision she could have made.  It seemed to open her eyes to some things in her life she had not seen before, help her answer some questions about the transition that she had not yet answered for herself, and bring up some questions she had not put a lot of thought into yet.  The excitement was back, but not without frustration.  I don’t think anyone who knows/has known Miah could ever describe her as a patient person.  Once she starts something she dives in headfirst and doesn’t look back; this was no exception, until she started therapy.  She was forced to give up some of the control allowing her to focus on what she wanted while someone else planned out the best way for her to get there.

After a couple months of therapy, Miah got the referral to see an MD about getting hormones.  I know she was thrilled and I was as well (for more than one reason).  Although the therapy brought her overall mood up some, it still did not compare to her emotional state while on hormones.  I must admit, I had grown accustomed to her overwhelming positivity throughout that period of time and was eager to see it again.  Beginning hormones did not come without a price though.  The mood swings came back, but it seemed more manageable this time.  Either they weren’t as bad as before or she was just better at working through it because, apart from a few dramatic moments, it was all manageable.

Almost three months ago was when Miah started her hormone therapy and, beyond the few bumps at the beginning, it has been nothing but uphill since then.  Her mood is constantly improving and the physical changes are apparent.  The body hair is not as coarse as it once was, there has been some re-distribution of fat to more desirable places, some thinning of the muscle mass in her arms and shoulders, and her skin has gotten a thousand times smoother.  She has also just started laser hair removal treatments, which is proving to be quite effective.  It’s an exciting time right now, both of us eager with anticipation for what changes will occur next.

I know there is still a long way to go in this transition and, I’m sure, some more trying moments; but, I am more excited than I could ever express that Miah has finally sought out this path to self re-discovery.  From the time I met her until now Miah has constantly re-invented herself to cover up her true feelings or to try to find some real happiness, which would never be realized without this transition.  I am so happy to see her finally getting comfortable with who she truly is inside. Now, instead re-inventing herself to fit another mold, she’s working to match her appearance to her feelings.  As exciting as some of the changes have been so far it’s even more thrilling to think of what’s to come.  I can’t wait.

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About The Author

I am Miah Akston, transitioning to a destination unknown but its going to include alot of pink and alot of anarchy!!!

Number of Entries : 83

Comments (3)

  • tracy

    This is so sweet, Emily is my bestie and I couldn’t be happier for her and Miah both…. They are lobsters!!!!

  • Rebecca Williams

    I’m really sorry, I don’t know your name but it’s really lovely to read how supportive you are for Miah. More often than not wives or partners really struggle with it and the change from a heterosexual relationship to a relationship with a changing trans* person (which might extend to a same sex relationship) – even though the love that created the relationship remains the same. Transition is an incredibly self centered process and it takes a very special, caring and loyal person to see someone through to where they feel more comfortable.

    • Emily

      First, my name is Emily and I appreciate the kind words :). It may be because I’m pansexual and I tend to look more at the person within when entering into a relationship, it may be just because I love her so much… Whatever the reason, I’ve not had any trouble dealing with the changes in Miah (besides mood swings). I think I’m almost as excited as she is that this dream is finally coming to fruition for her. Every time she takes another step or we discover some new amount of progress, we’re both like little school girls giddy with joy. I’ve never seen her so happy in the 11(ish) years we’ve known each other and that is all I’ve ever wished for her. She’s becoming more of the person I knew was in there (but didn’t get to see often) and less the shell she used to hide behind and I see nothing but good in that. I can definitely understand how transition can be very trying on the partner of a trangender person and confusing for someone who has always identified as hetero. For me, this is just a new (and truly wonderful) journey I get the pleasure of being a part of with my love and best friend.

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